I struggle with consistency, here's why...

Routines have not been easy for me to establish.

As an artist, there are some routines that I just struggle with - cleaning my brushes, making time to film Instagram content, sharing my work consistently (among others) and I sometimes can't help but think that this is the reason why my work hasn't reached as far as I want it to reach yet.

In turn, I often find myself labelling my process as 'lazy' as these habits are hard to hold. I think, "if I could just be consistent with my art, I would definitely accelerate my account and clientele" ... but it's also easier said than done.

What holds me back?

I'd like to say that its time, in terms of what prevents me from keeping habits, but I think that deeper down, there is a fear of failure. I think that subconsciously, I feel a sense of hopelessness as to how I use my energy and time as an artist. For example, if my art didn't sell or my engagement was low, I could at least say, "well, I didn't put my 110% into it, so I suppose this is understandable". It's like creating an excuse before the 'failure' has already happened, so if to let myself down easily.

I think the problem with this though, is that I am not setting myself up for success. In the past, like on my second launch, I really overworked myself – my engagement was not very strong and so, I convinced myself that it wasn't worth it to work that hard. I'm still working around these feelings of failure and trying to remember that one 'failed' attempt does not set the scene for my entire art journey.

All that to say, I know where this lack of consistency comes from - I'm worried that repeating these efforts (lots of time, money, and energy) into something that will not quantitatively 'pay off' would not get me anywhere.

It's in writing things that I remind myself that I have a long way to go, but that doesn't mean that these missed opportunities mean nothing entirely. Yes, it was disappointing to me that I had lower engagement with my latest shop update. Yes, I'm allowed to feel those feelings. But I think I learned that consistency, though sometimes extraneous, can teach me a lot about what works in my process.

Moving onwards and upwards

Sincerely, thank you for sticking around to reach until now. I know there will be at least a few people (at the time that I'm writing it) who will choose to stay and read all of this. If this brought a little more transparency on my end, I would be happy, because I know that I am not alone in these feelings. Hopefully it didn't come off as self-pity or something negative, because as I said, there is much room to learn from the so-called 'failures' I will experience on this journey.

Thank you again for being a part of my journey and reading this post.

Here's a special behind-the-scenes photo of my cat (Summer), because both my cats make everything better ;)

Bye for now!

Jade